Here's what I know about being a warrior - number one rule in Tai Chi - relax.

I have this magma-like pocket of primordial anger which I don't fully understand. Because I haven't been able to get rid of this anger, I've overcompensated with loving generosity. Not an uncommon pattern I guess. Though I enjoy being generous, I've had to become acutely aware of my motivations and expectations. Feeling like I am not appreciated triggers the anger. In a sense, the generosity may actually be a method for bringing the anger up.

Although I can rationally see that I am a pretty extraordinary person, I am not always confident. My feelings can be hurt pretty easily. Perhaps this is because I am a water rabbit, a delicate animal.*

It's a dichotomy - I am great in a crisis and seek out physical challenge, even danger. I am excited by the prospect of adventure. Yet I am very vulnerable in matters of the heart. An inauspicious marriage trashed my physical health and shifted my low level anger into a full on depression. Love has always been a liability for heroes - but it's the deadly combination of love with unresolved anger that is my kryptonite.

An angry warrior is ineffective and unsustainable. Anger eats away at my guts. By relaxing and being empty, the warrior's way handles anger. I bring fire down into water and make steam - movement beyond muscle. I am encouraged.

What I learned from Sun Tzu - frank assessment of vulnerability and assets is essential for effective strategy and ultimate success.

• 12/22/04 •

* The rabbit person is sociable, kind, compassionate and humble, and most probably artistic or at least creative in some way. The rabbit is one of the most delicate among all 12 animals.

Ain't it the truth!